Now that SBC and AT&T, two companies that I already hate, have merged to become one bigger company that I hate, you might expect the junk mail addressed to me from this new entity to be reduced by half or more.

Not so. In fact if anything the junk mail has more than doubled since the merger, if that is even possible. And I have now received so much of it that I have noticed a pattern that I call Freaky Teeth Marketing. The models in all of their marketing materials have an upsetting over-whitened-robot-mouth quality to them. Even their attempts to include "minority teeth" such as children's teeth and braces have a bizarre, unreal quality.

In a word: disturbing.

I don't know if you've noticed, but most of the "herbal teas" that are popular today are pretty much totally not tea. You can pay to have boiled seeds, boiled flowers, boiled apples, boiled nuts, boiled roots, and even boiled leaves of various plants that are in no way related to the tea bush.

• Starbright mints: sweet and a bit chemical-y, but with a nice aroma
• Jolly Ranchers: sweet and tangy, less aroma... it's like letting the water suck on the candy for you. Unfortunately the water is typically not hot enough to dissolve the entire ranger
• Werther's Originals: Disgusting. Avoid.
• Peppermint Altoids: Delightfully aromatic, not too sweet, colorless (to appeal to your purist sensibilities)

As a long-time Onion lover, I know a lot of people who say that they "don't get" the Onion. I couldn't imagine what that might be like--- to me it's some of the most consistently awesome, gettable satire humor on the web. What could be wrong with you if you don't like The Onion?

But then my RSS reader started showing me Onion Sports. And boy oh boy, do I not have a fucking clue what any of the jokes mean. So I apologize to all of you non-onion readers out there--- I guess the Onion has something to alienate everyone.

Thanks to Lisa for bringing this important safety message to my attention. I guess if even a single mandolin slicer gets inside of a child, it could do considerable damage.

Good to know.

On the radio today I heard a journalist say that "Bush is the elephant in the room on congressional campaign issues, both literally and figuratively". Since the elected president of our country is not a pachyderm, I'm pretty sure that at most Bush could be figuratively an elephant in a room, NOT literally.

I know I'm not the only one who thinks that misusing the word "literally" has reached a crescendo recently. It is almost (but not quite) as irritating to me as hearing the word "hella", or far, far worse, "hecka".