Okay, so admittedly my first shot at knocking off Majongg was... how to put this... visually intractible. My "organic" board layout, although fun to make, was difficult to understand, and by popular outcry I have realized that it is not in fact possible to distinguish between 60x60 icons of 4, 5, and 6 of pink orchid flowers.

Here's an improved version with the traditional layout, drop shadows to distinguish stacking levels, and 9 types of pieces with only 4 variants each. (Instead of 6 types with 6 variants each.)

Please try it again with my apologies.

My unemployment odyssey concludes with a speeding trip, I mean camping trip, to Death Valley with a friend. Clashes between my life and the camping life included:

• fireside laptop use


• no wireless, or even cell phone coverage


• racing suspension and slick tires on gravel roads


• inability to purchase premium fuel


• fording a creek using a 350Z Track Edition

Another thing that Excel is good at: working Sudoku puzzles. Has there really been as awesome an application as Excel (or VisiCalc, for you purists) in the last 20 years? The web browser, maybe, in kind of an indirect way.

(By the way, the puzzle pictured at right is a pretty tough one. See if you can finish it.)

WEP is too hard for normal people to set up. I know this because I am currently stealing unsecured wireless bandwidth from my Mom's next door neighbor, a normal person for whom WEP was (obviously) too hard to set up.

1. Buy snazzy new portable hard drive
2. Back up all of my work email, code, and designs onto snazzy new portable drive
3. Pass off barely-started projects onto hapless other coworkers
4. Hastily crap out confusing wiki page describing how future coworkers can do my job
5. Check all in-progress work into the version control vault--- regardless of state of completion
6. Attend awkward corporate halloween party
7. Discover that HR official who will conduct my exit interview appears to be wearing a giant egyptian headress, and also wearing far too much lipstick for a man of his stature
8. Later go to exit interview, only to discover that my badge has already been deactivated and I can't get into the HR building
9. Sneak in anyway by taking advantage of the hilariously lax security policies
10. Fill out exit-interview paperwork, including reaffirmation of the non-complete clause, no-raid clause, arbitration clause, confidentiality clause, and intellectual property clause that I don't remember signing when I "joined" the company
11. Realize in retrospect that backing up my files constitutes a violation of at least 3 of the above clauses
12. Yet again rehash my reasons for quitting with yet another management official
13. On the way back to my desk, stop by the supply closet and spitefully steal a pen
14. Compose (but do not yet send) the "farewell, suckers" email
15. Walk around to everyone's desk to shake their hands
16. But because it's 5:10 when I do this, most people are gone already
17. Receive "Good Luck" wishes from my coworkers, shake hands, but also give "Good Luck... You'll Need It" wishes of my own.
18. These wishes had varying levels of sincerity on both our parts, depending on the person
19. Realize that at least a few people probably really hated my guts
20. Realize that at least 3 of the people I shook hands with were sick
21. Go to the bathroom and wash hands in scalding water before touching my laptop again
22. Ponder how both the hand shaking and the hand washing are symbolic in their way
23. Hit send on the "farewell" email and then shutdown the mail system before anyone can reply (vainly assuming that they would)
24. Rain down file deletion ragnarok on my work computers to make sure future users do not find cruel emails, personal projects, pornography, etc.
25. Log out for the last time
26. Toss my badge on my boss's desk
27. Grab my coffee mug
28. Walk out the door
29. Don't look back.
30. Bye, everybody!