As a long-time Onion lover, I know a lot of people who say that they "don't get" the Onion. I couldn't imagine what that might be like--- to me it's some of the most consistently awesome, gettable satire humor on the web. What could be wrong with you if you don't like The Onion?

But then my RSS reader started showing me Onion Sports. And boy oh boy, do I not have a fucking clue what any of the jokes mean. So I apologize to all of you non-onion readers out there--- I guess the Onion has something to alienate everyone.